I’ve been filled with anxiety the past week with starting up classes again. I really don’t want a repeat of last semester. Last semester (you probably know) I gradually went downhill over a period of weeks. I got so ill that I had to finish my semester from my dorm for the most part. I am scared because I don’t know how much I’ll be able to handle, everyday is so different for me. I just want to have a good year to be honest. Last year was shitty in every way between my roommates, boys, and being sick nothing ever went my way. It was one bad thing after another and I think that’s why I am so nervous for this year.
I’m also feeling so much FOMO with not being able to attend all the social events I want to. I feel like I miss out on meeting so many different people, that it’s so hard to branch out. I am a very social butterfly and have so many friends, but in order to maintain these relationships I need to be present at things. I also just want to fit in but being sick has made me stand out in many ways as a classmate, sibling, daughter, and friend. I end up breaking promises, and canceling plans and I feel so guilty. I feel like people cannot rely on me because of it. Not to sound selfish, but I feel like my life has been so hard that I deserve for something good to finally come my way. I have been through so many hardships for someone my age and watched all my friends have great things happen to them ( I don’t like to self pity, but I’m just so anxious!!). I am going to try to keep up with my friends as much as I can, spend less time in bed, and try to have as much fun as possible. I just hope everything goes right for once.