October 1, 2014

Well guys, next week marks 3 years since I first became sick. I feel a little emotional about it to be quite honest. I always think back, wishing I could tell Sydney what was about to happen. Kinda like a warning. I remember that day so so clearly. I have flashbacks, I was sitting in class (english class) icing my knee and in my volleyball uniform. I remember we had a cute trainer so I’d always go to him so he could stretch before I played in a game. I was a starter on the varsity team (since sophomore) a position I worked so hard to get. I can’t remember who we played, but I do remember what side of the court we were on. I remember playing the first couple of minutes, and then being pulled out. I remember sitting all the way on the end of the bench. I remember telling the girl next to me “what should I do?” (get up and tell coach) cupping my nose. Then the girl responded “no, just go!” I ran behind the court as fast as I could into the bathroom. Spitting blood into the sink, nothing registered. My mom came running in and said “omg!” quickly grabbing paper towel. I remember her trying to stop it and saying to her “it hurts all the way up to my brain.” I remember arguing saying to my mom I could drive. I remember driving home with my brother in the car driving on the median between two lanes. The sky was so dark and the headlights so bright it hurt my eyes. I remember lying down saying “I’m so tired.” I remember my dad getting home from work and shining a flashlight in my eyes. I remember going to the emergency room and the doctor giving me two tylenol saying “headache” in his accent. I remember the crappy grilled cheese they gave me because I was so hungry. Then, I went home and my life completely changed. You don’t forget something like that.

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7 thoughts on “October 1, 2014

  1. No, you don’t. As a fellow traveler who’s been ‘touched’ by physical adversity since before I was born, I can relate to multiple hospital stays, surgeries, physical rehab, mental anguish, anxiety, complete exhaustion and never seeming to get true rest, though I slept all the time. It’s overwhelming…it is. That’s the truth. It beat me. It broke me. Repeatedly. Still happens. Yet somehow, I get up…everytime. And I crawl,(sometimes literally), until I can manage the strength to get up. And I limp, and hobble around until I can walk. Then I fight the barrage of punches until a brutal one knocks me down again. I know it’s coming, I just never know when. It may beat me, but it’ll never defeat me… not truly. Be encouraged, my friend…you’ve got this!!!

      1. Thank you!! It’s not always easy. I have an aunt who…likes to ‘brag’ about her ailments…she always did that…she became a very bitter, negative, and toxic person. I love her. She’s been through hell too but, her entire family has cut her out of their lives, her own daughters. She can’t see her grandchildren…because she is so toxic. I learned by her example of what ‘not’ to do. I visit her when I can, and help any time she asks…but her company is taxing on the soul. Long story short, being positive helps everyone involved…especially the ones (us) crawling through the thick of it. You got this!!

      2. Wow, that’s really hard. I can completely understand where you are coming from. You have a fantastic heart, thank you for all of your advice!!

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