Lethargy

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Lethargy. Something I deal with 24/7. No matter how much coffee I have or any type of energy supplement it never works. It never made sense to me-why was I tired every day and every night? I mean I got 8 hours of sleep most of the time. I was mindful of my health and social life. Never did anything detrimental to my health. Still, I was always tired. When I’d get in bad moods my mom would know I was tired. I used to sleep 18 hours a day before I got help. My mom thought I was depressed and would get frustrated. I repeated to her “I swear I’m not depressed, I’m just so tired and I can’t get up.” She would say okay and then shut my door, and the next thing I knew it was 3 pm. I started to get frustrated with myself as well. I set all these alarms, went to bed early tried, did EVERY possible solution and I still couldn’t get up.

Fast forward to now and it all makes sense. Part of having autoimmune disease is lethargy and always being tired. Hey, it makes sense to me because your body is too busy trying to fight off your healthy cells for some dumb reason. I’ve gotten to a place where I don’t sleep in past 10:30 thanks to my medication, but still I’m always tired. I will be until the medication therapy gets to the right place. Sometimes I get new symptoms every few months. Right now I experience body aches with the lethargy. I feel like I’m a young soul in a 90 year olds body. In fact I used to say that when I was sicker than I am now. When I think back it all makes sense. I always think “did I miss crucial signs?” “Could I have stopped this earlier?” No sense in keep going in circles about it. My next step I am still working on is accepting the blessing I’ve been given.

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