This was a personal choice that frankly wasn’t that hard to make. I really never touched my Instagram anymore because I just found it depressing. There’s not enough authenticity, and too much bragging. Everything has to look better then it really is and to me with what I go through just makes everything harder for me. I’d say at least 90% of peoples’s post have to do with things I haven’t had the ability to experience in life.
I didn’t want to make myself feel so much worse about things because that’s not who I am. Sure, I do spend time crying but not often. I don’t want to turn my life into a “woe is me” type of situation. Also, I’ve been very MIA from all my friends’ lives this past semester so just to see how absent I’ve been from their lives hurts. The less negativity I have to endure through this process really helps me want to keep striving to get better.
Also, I am just not happy with where I am in life so that’s also why I’ve decided to deactivate it. I have too much to think about and deal with that it’s just best that I not post on my personal accounts. So this is technically the outlet I use to cope but I also have some amazing friends. I don’t want to have anxiety/pressure if I post something on Instagram. I’d rather just tell my friends or family in person or over text. It’s just a really unhealthy app for me right now to have.
I also try not to look at Facebook often as well. It hurts seeing all the exciting things going on in everyone’s lives when mines not even close to the same. I know that when I am in remission it will be a different story but for right now its not and that’s okay. I am doing my best to shape myself into the best person I can be in 2019. Most of my stuff is completely out of my control but with the little bits that I do have I want to change and become a better person.
In the end, the only things that matter in my life are my friends, family, and health not any of the other stuff.