What It’s Like To Watch Yourself Get Sicker

There’s no way to sugar coat it, it sucks. But it also can be very depressing. Imagine living a life where you were just like everyone else. You didn’t have to worry about taking all your medicines or doing too much in a day. You had normal people problems. Now, you look at yourself in the mirror and you don’t see the same person as you did 4 years ago.

In fact, I honestly don’t remember much of my personality before I was sick. I do have some memories and stuff but I don’t remember what I was like. Every time I stare at myself in the mirror it’s like a lost of piece of my normal self. It’s gotten to the point where it doesn’t even phase me anymore but it sure did when I first got sick. I used to always go back to October 1, 2014–the day I got sick. I try to think if maybe I did something different that day that it wouldn’t have ended like it did. I know that obviously this was brewing in my system a long time and we couldn’t have changed it but still.

Watching yourself getting sicker is something I don’t wish on anyone. To be honest, you are so engrossed in how you feel that you don’t notice it from the standpoint that you would when you feel okay. It can get very discouraging and feel like the world around you is falling apart.  But is all a freak of nature, and doing the best you can is the only thing you can really do. I take each day as it comes, and try to do the best I can everyday. Being tired makes me want to not do certain things like workout, but I still do it. You have to keep pushing forward and not hold yourself back. I have been doing a lot worse lately, and that been really bringing me down. I still do the best to get out of my bed when I can, and leave myself alone when I can’t. It’s just the life I have to live.