This has been really hard for me. I love blogging but never have the energy to do it so I don’t post as much as I used to. I didn’t have the energy then but I was also bed bound and couldn’t do anything else. I really want to take my blog far but I know that it’s going to be so hard until we get my fatigue under control. I really am grateful for how far it’s come and I have come as person. I promise to strive to do better and work harder on my blog when I have the energy.
I just got back from round four, day one of IVIG. Most of the time I am knocked out for the 4-6 hours I am there and then come back to some type of life a few hours later lol. I pass by others in the infusion center and they’re knitting or watching tv and then there I am in my chair passed out. I feel like I honestly am on another planet. Like I am conscious but not at the same time. It’s probably the weirdest feeling ever but I know that it’s the Benadryl.
Next week I find out if I am staying on IVIG permanently and what future will look like with it. I am for staying on it because it has helped my GI symptoms ALOT. I believe my team of doctors are pretty pleased with how it’s going but maybe another infusion could one up IVIG.
The other thing I have to think about is my future after graduation. I graduate in May (but, I take one “May Term” class) and then I think I’ll probably move back home. I do want to but I don’t at the same time. When I am home my parents help make me food and with laundry. I struggle to do it on my own in my apartment during an average day still. I think that it is best for me to make that move until I get into remission. I’ll also have to think about my career and how I can ease into it. There are a lot of things up in the air but I am so happy I’ve made it this far. I’ve worked a lot harder then the average college student and so far it is really paying off. I’ve learned A LOT of hard lessons in college that make me stronger now then I’ve ever been.
I am excited to graduate because I need to move on. I don’t have the normal college lifestyle of partying and being immature. I really had to grow up fast and miss out on a ton of my life. Because I’ve missed out on a ton, it’s really hard for me to relate to people my age. They live a completely different life then me and some stuff just doesn’t make sense to me. But in the end I know it will all work out. Sometimes I am not convinced but I have to force myself to keep a positive mindset.