Well guys, I’ve so far made it to 3/4 of my classes, I am still in awe that I have made it this far with only fatigue. It’s so crazy to think that I’m sitting in a classroom just like normal people. The only time I felt left out was when my professor was asking about career goals. Lots of people said they have internships and jobs lined up and I’m like “sorry I’ve been going through treatment so I have no idea what I’m gonna do with my life. It is a reward for me to just come to classes. Okay??!!!!” I didn’t actually say that by the way. This year is just so surreal in multiple ways, and I am so far (don’t jinx it Sydney) pretty happy. I have a great roommate who is the nicest person ever. I feel good most of the day (again, minus the fatigue that still is killing me).
Now, I just want to work out and be social and see my friends. That’s the only rough part. I haven’t really seen most of my friends but I’ve been texting them. Most of them haven’t even seen me since I was a wreck last year. Plus I get serious FOMO from not being around. I wanna keep up with everything and everybody but it’s super hard. I feel this terrible feeling of guilt, shame, and sadness when I miss out. I’ve missed out on a ton of my life and I’m ready to be able to keep up with my friends.
Although it’s super frustrating, I know it’s for the best. The best times I have feel like rewards even though normal people wouldn’t see it that way in their shoes. Sometimes I wish I could go back and tell myself what is coming and how to live my life. But, life can (hopefully, forreal) only go on and upward from here.